She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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