you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
