I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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