i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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