At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Congratulations! We have a period
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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