About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
