She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
