That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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