I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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