the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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