two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
