i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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