i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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