Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
