I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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