The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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