She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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