I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
