I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
