Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
