New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
