Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
