you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
