i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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