Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
