$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Your cock deserves a montage
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
