I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
