Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
