Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
