Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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