Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
