hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I didn't notice because vodka
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
