Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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