There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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