Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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