Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
