Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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