So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
