I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
