6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
