I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
