Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
