You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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