I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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