I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
