Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
