I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
