I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
