oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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