we're blogging at a bar
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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