So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
