dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
