3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
