yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
