remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Enjoy the penises
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
