This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
