pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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