3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
