I think my vagina is haunted
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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