He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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