I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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