I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
