dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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