my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
