He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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