I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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