literally had 100 drinks last night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
