we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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