how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
