spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
