I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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