Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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