I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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